When you love to adventure, but your body doesn’t
You know that song by Young the Giants that goes, “My body tells me no, but I won’t quit, ‘cuz I want more”? I think about that song a lot. As someone with a body that wasn’t really built for being active, but who loves being active and going on adventures, it hits hard.
A couple of disclaimers before I get into this. First of all, I know I am coming from a place of privilege. I have excellent medical care and insurance (at least by US standards - and complaining about the US medical system is not what we’re here to do). My chronic illnesses manifest in such a way that I often can “just push through,” and I understand that is not something that all folks with chronic illness can or should do. I know what I can do and what I can tolerate, and this is not in any way meant to shame anyone who cannot or will not do as much as I do. Everyone knows their own body best.
Okay, so with that out of the way, shall we get into it? What is it? How do I even start this post?
I guess I’ll start by sharing that I am a highly-sensitive person, or HSP. You can look into this if you want, but the TL;DR is that I have an overdeveloped nervous system and I feel things more than the average person - and this applies to both physical sensations and emotions. It’s a great time.
Combine this with my slight case of scoliosis, migraines that border on chronic, and some asthma, and you get someone who is stubborn AF and still climbs mountains, but sometimes has to be a little slow about it.
Funny story about the asthma: a few weeks ago, I said to my husband, “You know when you cough so hard, your chin itches?” and he was quite confused. Apparently that is not a thing that happens to most people. A quick search on Dr. Google revealed that an itchy chin while coughing was, in fact, an asthma attack, and a visit to a real doctor would probably be a good idea. That would explain why I always got winded when I did cardio, no matter how in shape I was, and why I consistently was more out of breath than my husband on hikes, even when working out more regularly than him.
This diagnosis and treatment was probably my easiest one to figure out. Some knee pain, back in college, took a couple of doctors to solve the mystery. The migraines were easily diagnosed, but unfortunately took several years to find a medication that worked for me and didn’t give me intolerable side effects (ask me about Ajovy!). A couple of years ago, I had thumb and wrist pain that took 13 doctors to figure out. Yes, 13, resulting in surgery and still an inability to put weight on one of my wrists. Do you know how many spoons it takes to see 13 doctors? So while I was relieved the asthma diagnosis was quick and easy, it also came with its own share of emotional challenges.
On the one hand, I have another medication to take daily, after finally getting off of my crazy migraine regiment. I have another chronic illness to add to my list.
On the other hand, if I was already biking around Europe, climbing mountains, and going dancing, how much can I do when the rest of my lungs are actually being used? It’s not like it changes anything, it just explains why I sometimes wheeze when I go uphill.
Through all this, I’ve learned that it’s okay to go at my own pace. And sometimes, I have to say, “not today.” Usually, I am stubborn enough to push through, but sometimes, I’m not, and that’s okay. The scenery will still be there tomorrow. I don’t have to get up at 6 am to get the perfect morning light shots - I can go midday, and that’s okay too. My dog is certainly not going to be disappointed if he gets to sleep in. Plus, having a camera is a great excuse to take breaks! “I don’t need a break, I just need to take several photos from this exact vantage point.”
No one said adventuring has to be fast - the whole point is to enjoy it, right? So maybe it’s not a bad thing I’m sometimes forced to slow down.
